


Recycle Bin

by rayna_harley



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, half life vr but the ai is self aware - fandom
Genre: M/M, Multi, Suicide Attempt, angst without happy ending, please do not read if things like this are a major trigger please
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-08-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:14:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25869508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rayna_harley/pseuds/rayna_harley
Summary: Based off of the bad ending of a roleplay I was doing on Discord. This is not a vent fic but please do not read if su/c/de is a major trigger for you. And if you're feeling like you might try PLEASE DON'T AND CALL THE HOTLINE.AUS: xen boss rush, ai get ported to shimejis onto gordon's desktop
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman, frenreylatta
Comments: 3
Kudos: 57





	Recycle Bin

#general ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon Freeman Today at 4:47 PM

Alright, I'm going afk for whatever I do outside of here.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon sent one last message into the channel before getting up and watching the screen for a second. Most of the shimejis waved their little hands goodbye, save a few who had went to sleep, and one sitting in the corner. His boyfriend, Benrey. and he looked pretty distant.

Gordon figured he was just having one of his moments. After all, ever since... The end of the game, his emotions had been going nuts. But he still looked a little sad. So Gordon moved his cursor over and gave him a little pat on the head, making him blush. Benrey reached a hand up and rested his hand on the cursor in reciprocation.

Gordon smiled, deciding to type another message.

#general ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gordon Freeman Today at 4:49 PM

Be back soon :)

  
Benrey [BOT] Today at 4:49 PM

see you gordie

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Benrey smiled up at the screen after responding. Gordon slid the cursor to the top right corner, just as he always did when he was leaving. He'd only be gone for about 8 hours, since that's how long each blackout seemed to last. So he left the room.

And as soon as Benrey made sure he did, his avatar's expression deflated back into a somber one. He sat in the corner and watched the others, waiting until they fell asleep. Tommy and Sunkist had walked over, noticing his mood and trying to comfort him. He protested, but let them sit with him and cuddle. They also fell asleep before Benrey.

Soon, he was the last one awake.

He stood up carefully as to not wake Tommy up and gave him a small kiss on the forehead. The eldritch smiled a little in his sleep and shifted slightly, resting his head on Sunkist's fur. Benrey smiled for a moment, before it disappeared again.

He knew he was faking. Kisses and all the affection Tommy gave him just... weren't hitting the same way anymore. He was trying his best to keep himself happy, but it was hard. A lot harder than he wanted it to be. And he didn't want to admit it, because he'd already spent probably an entire hour ranting in the vent channel about stupid stuff earlier and was scared he was gonna start talking in _there_ more than he talked in the other channels and look like a depressed _idiot_ -

Fuck, he's crying again.

He took one last look back at his boyfriend and Sunkist and was reminded of how much his friends loved him. If they didn't love him he would've been deleted by now or something.

Oh. Deleted.

...Yeah, no. He didn't want that to happen, it'd probably be super painful and also they'd be depressed too if he was gone for good. So he should... at least try and find a solution. So he typed a message.

#vent-area ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Benrey [BOT] Today at 7:02 PM

hey, i'm gonna start trying to use this place less  
n figure out some way to get better with this kinda stuff

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Once he was satisfied with his message, Benrey spawned a big pillow in and rested it beside Tommy as a temporary replacement as he carefully stepped over other shimejis to go over to the screen. He reached down below the taskbar and pulled up Windows Explorer, heading over to his files with little difficulty.

He had already known the layout of each character's files from one of Tommy's code infodumps, since he figured it would come in handy if anything happened to him. So he knew just where to go to find personality and status... the .chr file. He clicked said .chr file and opened it up in a text editor.

In his head, he could hear a voice whispering negative thoughts.

Telling him he'd just be putting on a mask to fool the others into thinking he was ok.

Jokes on that voice, he was already doing that.

Telling him it's stupid and cowardly to edit his depression away.

The voice is the reason he's depressed.

Telling him Tommy would be pissed off if he knew what Benrey had done.

Tommy would be even madder if he knew Benrey _was_ depressed.

**_Telling him to delete himself and take the burden off their shoulders._**

Benrey flinched. _Please don't start doing this right now,_ he thought. _I'm just going to change two values and you'll disappear._

Disappear? He's seriously going to run away from his problems. Wouldn't he have liked to have stayed dead on Xen so it would be less painful now?

_please don't._

Because he had attacked Gordon, on purpose. Picked up the gun and shot at him, trying to kill him.

_THAT WASN'T ME I WAS- THE SKELETON-_

**It wouldn't have worked if you weren't already angry.**

Benrey couldn't help it anymore. He sat down on his knees and sobbed, holding one hand against the file browser window. _It really was his fault, huh... He could have prevented the entire group from being killed by keeping them away from the portal, but he didn't. He was so convinced that he wouldn't be the antagonist that he let his guard slip. And everyone ended up dying._ ** _And he had hurt Gordon._**

Benrey tried his best to keep quiet while he cried, continuously rubbing at his eyes so no tears would leave behind evidence on the taskbar that he had been.

But as soon as he had started to calm down, the negative voice invaded his thoughts again.

_So? What're you gonna do?_

Benrey glanced back up at the windows, switching back and forth between the text editor and the file browser.

_Do you want to keep going and get better the hard way, or risk breaking yourself? It's pain or pain._

He wasn't sure he wanted either.

_Gordon would probably be even more pissed if you had messed with the files and cheated to fix yourself. What if he lied, and he's still watching?_

His heart almost skipped a beat. Maybe he was being watched. So he turned around to make sure nobody was awake.

...

Good, they weren't.

Benrey silently started to put up a curtain of scarlet and gray Sweet Voice. _Scarlet to gray - look away._ He turned back to the windows to contemplate.

_Oh, by the way, Gordon never said if he forgave you or not. Bet he wouldn't even notice you were gone. Nobody would notice, actually. You could slip away, quietly, and all would be fine._

Benrey stood there, listening. A few more tears slipped down his cheeks before he closed the text editor, not saving. And he reached up, tapping each check box beside each file and folder in the window to highlight them.

His hand shook with hesitation. He looked through the curtain of Sweet Voice at Tommy. He gave a small smile at him while he slept, peaceful and quiet. He watched the eldritch's chest rise and fall for a moment, before typing his last message.

#vent-area ----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Benrey [BOT] Today at 7:14 PM

nvm  
im fine  
love you gordon :) n tommy :)))))

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was done. He stopped typing, glancing at the file browser once more and seeing what he had highlighted.

He stopped hesitating. He held down on the highlighted files until the options menu popped up, and hovered his hand over "Delete". Taking a deep breath and giving a small smile.

And he clicked it.

Another window appeared.  
  
  


Recycling 15 items from benrey **  
  
  
**

Instantly, a shot of pain rocketed through him and he collapsed against the screen, gripping his chest. He looked back up at the window and watched the percentage bar fill up with green as he started to lose consciousness. Everything hurt, but it was ok. He was fine. He'd be gone...

The .exe was deleted and he slipped under, his avatar falling on its side, before the image folder was deleted. The avatar disappeared, alongside the wall of Sweet Voice and everything he had spawned in.

The only trace left of his existence were in the others' memory files, and a blinking dialog box.

  
benrey.chr  
Error 404: file not found

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, i'm sorry for taking so long on the last chapter of Fighting is Annoying. ADHD and barely doing anything outside of the house for 5 months is not a good combination. I do start school next Monday though so that'll definitely help. Sorry for the huge wait and I'll try and finish everything off as soon as i can.


End file.
